Surfing the Waves to The Land of If Only

 Man..... The land of if only. It's not a great place to go, it looks so pretty though with all the oh what it could of been thoughts, when in reality it just takes you farther and farther from creating better for yourself. I have definitely been there before i think we all have. It is easy to fall into a rhythm there. BUT I absolutely HATE being there. I get sucked in and struggle to get out. Tell me I am not the only one who feels this way. 

I have been feeling the tides of life really trying to push me in that direction. If only I hadn't left horses, If only I had went back earlier. Add in the what ifs and I am a Hot mess. Notice the capital H.... because it is a capital offense for my mental health to be in this state. I am constantly wondering if I am going to get the job I want in Florida, I have mentioned it but we haven't been able to go through the details yet and it is STRESSING ME OUT. Add in the thought that I have to have a backup plan, which I do but I can't get the ball rolling on that until I find out from the first so I feel like I am in the weird limbo. But at the same time I can see the pit of despair that I am currently on course to hit as my job currently doesn't bode well for my mental health. 

I have come to the realization that sometimes your 10 year old self does know you best and when she said she would never work in an office that you should of taken her advice instead of taking a job sitting in an office for 6-8 hours a day. I have a loathing for traffic. I think every one does, it makes getting up in the morning hard knowing i have to sit through that for an hour. Passive waiting is not my forte.... I am finding that when I wake up and know I am getting out of bed just to go sit in an office out of the sun for 6-8 hours, where I am not physically active at all has made my hyper aware of what day it is ( I have never been more aware of days of the week as I have been in the last month) I used to be a morning person. I now dread the mornings as I have nothing in my day that I am excited to do.  

I have stopped even really going to the gym.... which used to bring me so much joy as I loved feeling stronger in my everyday life that it was exciting to go and see those gains. Now.... Now I don't use my body physically during the day so I have lost the need or want to go to the gym as why work for something that I will never use? What a hard pill to swallow this was.... And something that I don't fully know how to flip the switch on either. As I am pretty healthy as I am so again my brain says why change? Not the mentality to have. I know. I just came to this realization yesterday.... Imma work on it.... 

In the mean time I am keeping my head as high as I can and keep envisioning what Warren and I's life can look like when we do move to Florida. Keep me in your thoughts y'all. 

AND We Are Moving to Florida!

 Oh man I cannot begin to tell you how excited I am for this. I moved here because I thought I wouldn't want to or shouldn't work in the horse industry for the rest of my life and I was given an opportunity that I thought I needed to go on as it had been offered to me at 3 different times. And that just seemed like a sign I needed to make the move. I am glad I did, I have had some experiences into how Americans act and what I consider as my values as I see things I like and don't like in the American society, a society I had moved out of when I started in the horse industry. After traveling I can see the things that I consider flaws in this world and our society. It isn't always pretty is it. It makes me want to travel again, to continue to grow my mind as I am not done learning what other cultures have to offer. I have been wanting to go back to horses since May/June though I knew I couldn't voice my opinion because Warren needed to be in Charleston he had things he needed to finish. But then he did finish... and I had to voice my opinion. 

I wanted to go back to horses. But I didn't want to force it. I know there are alternate opportunities there. With the potential for better help than he has here. Our support system here isn't the greatest. To be better equipped for the future I know a good support system around you is key, I didn't know how well we would be able to switch that around. Though I know Warren's beliefs and I truly believe he will find like minded people so well there. He wants better but is in the same environment from when he was a child. Moving out of the area to some place new can really change the way you look at things and approach them. 

I  am excited to be back to the noses, the little flares of the nostrils as they show there excitement to see us, well the food we are bringing but I like to think its us. I am excited to see the show ring to show what our kiddos can do. To see new places, to share those places with Warren. I am uuh so so ready for it. My heart has settled so much my creativity feels renewed. There are things I wish to accomplish creatively but in the situation Warren and I are in we can't accomplish that. It's going to be a good move, an exciting move, ugh Thanksgiving can't get here fast enough.