Today I finally went back to the gym after about a week and a half off. I will one day explain why that was as it is a part of my story and I have a feeling that it will be a strong point in my journeys timeline but that wound is a little too fresh to put on the internet.
I woke up about an hour before my alarm this am. I have been in my head and over thinking all the things I could in life. I almost let that consume me again this morning. I felt it shrugging its comfortable blanket of constant over thinking trying to press it down upon my shoulders. But I am tired, tired of being in that space, for the past 2 weeks it has been while familiar not what I want to be comfortable in. But then I remembered that I have to move on, that getting stuck in this moment is not where I want to take my plateau moment at. Plateaus are for the good moments in life. The moments I want to feel and revel in so that the next climb has a little perspective to keep me moving for that next type of feel good moment.
I finished a chapter in my nutrition course. I wrote my goals on my mirror. Does anyone else do that? Someone out there that is smarter than me that has a lot more knowledge on that than me said you need to visualize your goals. What better way to do that than to write it down where you will see it all the time so you know where you are going. I can’t get away from that now. I can’t say no to my goals because they are there staring me in the face. I have 3 goals up there right now and I am so ready to start crossing those off and seeing the progress!
Now on to the second part of my morning. The getting back into the gym. I have put it off for a bit as I have been using food to hide behind so I didn’t have to process my emotions as I was scared to be uncomfortable as I felt those feelings and learned my lessons I needed to from them. Well boy howdy did I feel them today. I would say this was my favorite workout today, not because of the movements, not because of the people, I never actually talked to anyone today funny enough. But because when I showed up the power was off, it was dark there was no where to be but in the moment but with yourself.
We started with an EMOM for 8 minutes and by minute 4 I was crying. I never stopped but let those emotions move through me as I moved and used that feeling of being uncomfortable to fuel my movement. My coach came over and asked me if I was ok, I choked out that i just needed to move. So I did. By the time we got to the workout I was able to focus to realize that it was going to be ok and that life moves on and its ok to miss a moment. To shelf something for the time being as it isn’t the right time for everything when certain things happen and just because somethings get put in your path that you want you have to say no, not for now, I need to do A and B before C happens I can’t just jump to C and hope A and B happen. And that’s ok. Sometimes I will say you might be able to get away with it, that fake it till you make it mentality. Which I have done and will do again, promise, but that doesn’t work for everything. Wisdom is knowing when to do it, wing it, and make it happen, and when to say hey not yet I can’t put that piece of the puzzle down until a few more pieces fall onto the table.
My goal today was to move. And move I did. I haven’t felt this good in a hot moment. I might still be crying 2 and a half hours later as I soak up the last of these big feelings I have right now but I moved today so mission accomplished.
Tomorrow I hope to be able to honor my feelings and my body and move again. Not fast, not hard, but consistently move.
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